Updated on October 31, 2024
Losing a loved one is difficult for anyone—especially children. As a parent or caregiver, you might feel uncertain about how to talk about death, explain loss, or provide comfort when grief arises. This guide offers strategies to help children navigate grief and create a space for healing.
Create a Safe and Open Environment
Encourage open expression. Let children know they can share any feelings—sadness, anger, confusion—without judgment. Assure them you’re there to listen and support them through all of it.
If a young child is acting out, you might gently say, “It seems like you might be feeling upset. Do you want to tell me what’s on your mind, or maybe draw it?” This kind of support can help children feel more at ease with their feelings.
Be Honest and Age-Appropriate
Use simple, clear language to explain loss, keeping their age and level of understanding in mind. Avoid euphemisms that can add confusion; words like “gone” or “sleeping” may be hard for children to interpret. Instead, speak gently but clearly, and be prepared for ongoing questions as their understanding grows.
For example, with a young child, you might explain, “Grandpa’s body stopped working, so he won’t be here with us anymore, but we can always remember him.” Being honest in a way they can understand can prevent confusion and help them feel safe asking questions.
Acknowledge your own feelings, too. It’s natural for you to experience similar emotions, and children often take cues from you. Showing that it’s okay to feel sad or even uncertain can be a comfort to them.
Maintain Routines and Stability
Routine offers security. Grieving can disrupt a child’s sense of stability, so maintaining familiar routines for meals, bedtime, and daily activities can provide comfort. While you may need to adapt to the circumstances, keeping a basic structure can reassure children when everything else feels uncertain.
You might say, “I know things feel different right now, but we’re still going to have our story time each night.” Reinforcing small, comforting routines can help children regain a sense of normalcy and stability.
Remember to show compassion toward both your child and yourself as you adjust to this new reality.
Offer Comfort and Reassurance
Physical presence and reassurance matter. Physical closeness, like hugs or sitting together, can be incredibly comforting. Remind children they are loved and cared for and that the loss is not their fault.
Create opportunities for self-expression. Not all children can easily talk about their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves through drawing, painting, writing, or other creative activities. Play therapy can provide an outlet for younger children to process their emotions safely.
A child may want to paint a picture of the person they’ve lost or draw a happy memory they have together. Sitting with them, you can gently ask if they want to share their memories. These creative outlets offer meaningful, non-verbal ways to process feelings.
Validate Their Emotions
Affirm that their emotions are natural. It’s essential to validate their feelings rather than minimize them. Let them know that any emotion they feel is okay and understandable.
If a child says, “I’m mad at Grandpa for leaving,” instead of dismissing or correcting them, you might say, “It’s okay to feel mad, and it’s okay to feel sad, too. Losing someone is really hard.” This approach validates their feelings and opens up a safe space for them to explore more complex emotions.
If a child wants to talk at a time that may not be convenient, gently acknowledge their “big feelings” and suggest a time you can sit down together. This will let them know they’re heard and that their feelings matter.
Seek Support from Others
Encourage connection with supportive people. Sometimes, children benefit from talking with family members, friends, or counselors. Support groups and counseling services specifically for children who’ve experienced a loss can help them feel less alone in their grief.
Consider seeking professional guidance if you’re concerned about your child’s well-being or ability to cope. Family therapy can also provide a space for healing together.
Every Child’s Journey is Unique
Remember, each child processes grief differently, and what works for one may not be right for another. Tailoring your support to meet your child’s needs is key, and it’s okay if it takes time to find what feels right.
Ready for Extra Support?
If you need help guiding your child through grief or simply want additional support during this time, Firefly Therapy Austin is here for you. We offer counseling and resources for families and children coping with loss. Contact us to schedule a consultation and take the next step in supporting your child’s healing journey.