Updated on January 14, 2025

Losing a loved one is hard at any age, but for children, grief can feel incredibly confusing and overwhelming. As a parent or caregiver, you may be unsure of what to say, how to comfort them, or how to help them process emotions they don’t fully understand.

Children grieve differently than adults. They may not express their sadness in obvious ways, and their understanding of loss evolves as they grow. One day, they may ask deep, philosophical questions about death; the next, they may seem unaffected, playing as if nothing has changed. This is normal.

Your support, honesty, and reassurance will help them navigate their feelings in a way that fosters healing. Below are strategies to help children process grief in a safe, supportive, and compassionate way.

Create a Safe and Open Environment

Grieving children need to feel heard and understood. Tell them they can express any emotion—sadness, anger, fear, confusion—without judgment. Encourage conversations by creating a space where they feel safe asking questions and sharing feelings.

If a child struggles to talk about their emotions, try offering alternative ways to express them. You might say:
“I can see that you’re feeling something big right now. Do you want to talk about it, draw a picture, or sit together for a little while?”

Some children may act out or become more withdrawn. These behaviors are often signs that they are struggling with their emotions but don’t have the words to explain them. Gentle guidance can help them open up in their own time.

Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

It’s tempting to soften the reality of death with phrases like “Grandma went to sleep” or “We lost Daddy”—but these can be confusing and even scary for young children. Instead, use simple, clear language that matches their developmental level.

For example, you might say:
“Grandpa’s body stopped working, and he won’t be coming back. It’s okay to miss him and feel sad.”

Be prepared for repeated questions. As children process loss, they may ask the same thing multiple times, seeking reassurance and understanding. Answer calmly and consistently, letting them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings as often as they need.

Children also take emotional cues from adults. If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to show it. You can model healthy grieving by saying:
“I feel sad today because I miss Grandma. It’s okay to feel sad when we love someone who isn’t here anymore.”

Maintain Routines and Stability

Grief can make the world feel unpredictable and uncertain for children. Keeping familiar routines provides a sense of stability and security. Small consistencies—like bedtime rituals, mealtimes, or weekend family traditions—can help them feel more grounded.

You might say:
“Things feel different right now, but we’re still going to read our bedtime story together every night, just like we always have.”

Children need to know that while some things have changed, the foundation of their life—the love and support of those around them—remains steady.

Offer Comfort in Different Ways

Not all children process grief through talking. Some express feelings through play, art, or movement. Encourage self-expression in ways that feel natural to them:

Drawing or painting a picture of their loved one
Writing a letter to the person who passed away
Creating a memory box with photos and keepsakes
Acting out feelings through pretend play (especially for younger children)

If a child says they don’t want to talk about their feelings, respect that. Remind them that you’re there whenever they’re ready.

Validate Their Emotions

Children’s emotions may shift rapidly. One moment they might be sad, the next they’re laughing and playing. This doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving—it’s just how they process emotions in bursts.

Let them know that whatever they feel is okay. If they say something like “I’m mad that Daddy left me”, resist the urge to correct them. Instead, validate their feelings:
“It makes sense that you’re feeling angry. Losing someone we love can bring up a lot of different emotions.”

Encouraging open emotional expression helps children process grief in a healthy way rather than suppressing or avoiding it.

Seek Support When Needed

Sometimes, grief feels too heavy to carry alone. If a child is struggling to cope—experiencing prolonged sadness, changes in sleep or eating habits, or withdrawing from activities they once loved—it may help to seek additional support.

Therapists, school counselors, and grief support groups can provide extra guidance. Family therapy may also help if the loss has affected multiple family members.

Every Child’s Grief Journey is Unique

Grief has no timeline. Some children may express emotions immediately, while others may take weeks or months to show signs of processing the loss. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve—only what feels right for each child.

Your role as a caregiver is to offer reassurance, consistency, and love, helping them find their own way through.

When to Seek Professional Help

If a child’s grief begins interfering with daily life—such as ongoing behavioral issues, extreme withdrawal, or prolonged distress—it may be beneficial to consult a therapist. Professional support can provide children with tools to process their grief in a safe and healthy way.

You’re Not Alone in This

Helping a child through grief can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. Support is available through family, friends, school resources, or therapy.

If you need guidance in supporting your child’s grief, we are here to help. We offer compassionate counseling for families navigating loss and can provide the necessary tools and support.

Helping Children Cope with Grief & Loss