Updated on April 20, 2025
Losing someone we love is never easy. For children, it can feel especially confusing. They may not fully understand what’s happening, and their feelings can change from one moment to the next. One minute they’re asking big, deep questions about death—and the next, they’re playing like nothing ever happened. That’s not unusual. It’s how many kids naturally move through grief.
If you’re a parent or caregiver, you might feel unsure of what to say or do. You may wonder if your child’s behavior—like baby talk, acting out, or emotional outbursts—is normal or something to worry about. The truth is, there’s no “right” way to grieve.
Your job isn’t to fix their pain—it’s to give them a safe place to feel it. Here are some ways to support your child through grief based on their age, emotions, and how they understand loss.
Create a Safe and Open Space
Children need to know their emotions—no matter how big, confusing, or messy—are okay. Let them talk openly and ask questions. Show them it’s normal to feel many things at once: sadness, anger, confusion, or even moments of happiness.
If your child has a hard time talking, try saying:
“I can see you’re feeling something big right now. Would you like to talk, draw a picture, or just sit together?”
Some kids express grief through art or play. Others might pull away or act out. All of these are normal responses—they’re just different ways of coping.
Be Honest, Clear, and Age-Appropriate
Many adults want to soften the blow with phrases like “Grandpa went to sleep” or “We lost Daddy.” But for children, especially younger ones, these words can be confusing or even scary.
Instead, use simple and clear language. For example:
“Grandpa’s body stopped working, and he died. That means he won’t be coming back. It’s okay to feel sad and miss him.”
Young children often ask the same questions over and over. It’s their way of trying to make sense of things. Try to answer calmly and consistently, even if it feels like a repetitive question.
Let them see your emotions, too. You might say:
“I feel sad today because I miss Grandma. It’s okay to cry when we lose someone we love.”
This shows them it’s safe to express feelings—and that they’re not alone.
Understand What’s Normal for Their Age
Children process grief differently depending on how old they are:
Toddlers and Preschoolers
They may not understand that death is forever. One moment they’re fine, the next they’re asking when the person is going to come back. Keep explanations short and gentle. Offer lots of hugs and comfort.
School-Age Kids
They start to understand that death is final, but might think it only happens to old people or strangers. They may feel guilty, angry, or worried that it’s somehow their fault. Encourage them to share their thoughts in whatever way feels right to them.
Teens
They usually grasp the reality of death but may hide their emotions. Many turn to friends, music, or social media for comfort. Try to check in regularly without pushing. Respect their space while reminding them you’re always there to talk.
Keep a Sense of Routine
When a child’s world feels turned upside down, routines can bring a sense of comfort. Try to stick with familiar habits—bedtime stories, family meals, weekend walks.
You might say:
“Things feel different right now, but we’ll still read our bedtime story every night—just like always.”
Structure helps kids feel safe. Even small routines can make a big difference.
Different Types of Grief Children May Experience
Not all grief looks the same, and not all losses feel the same to a child. While we often think of grief as something that follows the death of a loved one, children may grieve many different kinds of losses.
They might be mourning:
- The death of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or pet
- A significant life change like divorce, moving to a new home, or switching schools
- The loss of safety after a traumatic event
- A shift in their family dynamic, such as a parent’s illness or a caregiver’s absence
These different types of grief can all feel big and heavy, sometimes in ways children don’t yet have words for. A child grieving the death of a pet may feel deep sadness, while another child dealing with a divorce might feel confused, angry, or even guilty.
No matter the cause, the grief is real. The ways children express that grief—through behavior, questions, or even silence—are valid and deserve attention.
While the strategies in this article can help with all kinds of grief, it’s also helpful to tailor your support to the specific loss your child is facing. For example:
- If the grief involves death, using clear and honest language helps a child understand what “gone” really means.
- If the grief is tied to a family change or move, reassure your child that their feelings are normal and that you’re navigating the change together.
Let them know it’s okay to grieve any loss—not just death—and that you’ll be there every step of the way.
Offer Different Ways to Grieve
Not every child wants to talk. Some express grief in creative or quiet ways. Let them choose what feels right:
- Draw or paint pictures of their loved one
- Write a letter to the person who died
- Make a scrapbook or memory box
- Act out feelings through pretend play
If your child says they don’t want to talk, don’t force it. Just let them know you’re there when they’re ready.
Validate Their Feelings
Grief isn’t a straight line. One minute, your child may be crying, and the next, they’re laughing or playing. That doesn’t mean they’ve “moved on.” It’s just how children process emotions—bit by bit.
Let them know all feelings are valid. If they say, “I’m mad that Daddy left,” respond with empathy:
“It’s okay to feel angry. Losing someone you love is really hard.”
When kids feel heard and accepted, they’re more likely to express their emotions in healthy ways.
When to Get Extra Support
Some children need more help than others, especially after a sudden or traumatic loss. You may want to reach out for professional support if your child shows signs like:
- Long-lasting sadness or withdrawal
- Big changes in behavior
- Trouble sleeping or eating
- Difficulty talking about their emotions
A therapist or grief counselor can help your child understand their feelings and build coping skills. Play therapy or group support may also be helpful, especially for younger kids.
Every Child Grieves in Their Own Way
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Some children open up right away. Others take weeks or months. There’s no one “right” way to feel or heal.
As a caregiver, your steady presence—your patience, love, and listening ear—is the most powerful support you can give.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Supporting a child through grief can feel heavy. But you’re not alone. Whether you turn to family, friends, school counselors, or professional therapy, there’s help out there.
If you need support navigating grief as a family, Firefly Therapy Austin is here to help.
We offer compassionate counseling for children and caregivers going through loss. Let us walk beside you through this journey.