Updated on March 9, 2025

Losing a loved one is difficult at any age, but for children, grief can feel incredibly confusing and overwhelming. Depending on their developmental stage, their understanding of death may be limited, and their emotions can shift quickly. One moment they may ask deep questions about death and dying, and the next, they may be playing as if nothing has changed. This is a natural reaction to loss.

As a parent or caregiver, you may feel unsure about how to talk about death, how to support children through their grieving process, or how to balance their needs with your own grief. You may wonder what’s “normal” or whether their behavior—such as regression, baby talk, or sudden outbursts—is a sign they need additional help.

Your role is not to take away their pain but to provide a safe space where they can express emotions, feel supported, and process loss in a healthy way. Below are ways to help children through grief, based on their child’s age, emotional needs, and understanding of death at different ages.

Create a Safe and Open Environment

Children need reassurance that their emotions are okay, no matter how big or confusing. Encourage open conversations, and let them know it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions, even if they don’t fully understand why.

If a child struggles to talk about their feelings, offer alternatives:

“I can see that you’re feeling something big right now. Do you want to talk about it, draw a picture, or just sit together for a little while?”

Some children express grief through play, art, or everyday routines, while others withdraw or act out. These responses don’t mean they aren’t grieving—they may need more time to process.

Be Honest and Age-Appropriate

It’s common for adults to use euphemisms like “Grandma went to sleep” or “We lost Daddy” to soften the reality of death. However, these phrases can be misleading, especially for young children who may believe death is reversible or temporary.

Instead, use clear, age-appropriate language. For example:

“Grandpa’s body stopped working, and he won’t be coming back. It’s okay to miss him and feel sad.”

Children often ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to understand what happened. Answer consistently and calmly, helping them understand the finality of death while also reassuring them that they are safe.

They also take emotional cues from adults. If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to show it. Modeling healthy emotional expression can help them feel more comfortable with their own grief. You might say:

“I feel sad today because I miss Grandma. It’s okay to feel sad when we love someone who isn’t here anymore.”

Consider a Child’s Developmental Stage

A child’s ability to understand and process loss depends on their age and developmental stage:

Toddlers and Preschoolers may not grasp that death is permanent. They might ask when the person will come back or seem unaffected one moment and upset the next. Keep explanations simple and offer lots of reassurance.
School-age children begin to understand the finality of death but may still believe it only happens to older people or strangers. They may have complex feelings like guilt or anger. Encourage them to talk about their grief experience in a way that feels natural.
Adolescents have a more adult-like understanding of death but may struggle with expressing emotions openly. They may turn to friends or social media for support rather than family. Encourage conversations but respect their need for space.

Maintain Routines and Stability

Grief can make the world feel unpredictable and uncertain for children. Keeping familiar everyday routines—like bedtime rituals, mealtimes, and weekend traditions—provides a sense of stability.

You might say:

“Things feel different right now, but we’re still going to read our bedtime story together every night, just like we always have.”

While grief brings change, maintaining structure reassures children that some things remain steady and safe.

Offer Comfort in Different Ways

Not all children process grief through talking. Encourage self-expression in ways that feel natural to them:

Drawing or painting a picture of their loved one
Writing a letter to the person who passed away
Creating a scrapbook or memory box with photos and keepsakes
Acting out feelings through pretend play (especially for younger children)

If a child says they don’t want to talk about their feelings, respect that. Remind them that you’re there whenever they’re ready.

Validate Their Emotions

Children’s emotions may shift quickly. One moment, they might be crying, the next, they might be playing as if nothing happened. This doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving—it’s just how they process emotions in bursts.

Let them know that whatever they feel is okay. If they say something like, “I’m mad that Daddy left me,” resist the urge to correct them. Instead, validate their feelings:

“It makes sense that you’re feeling angry. Losing someone we love can bring up a lot of different emotions.”

Encouraging open emotional expression helps children process grief in a healthy way rather than suppressing or avoiding it.

Seek Support When Needed

Some children struggle more than others, especially after a traumatic loss or the death of a parent or grandparent. Professional support may be beneficial if they experience prolonged sadness, significant changes in behavior, or difficulty expressing emotions.

Therapists, school counselors, and child bereavement support groups can provide extra guidance. Interventions like play therapy or group counseling can also help children process loss in a safe and structured way.

Every Child’s Grief Journey is Unique

Grief has no timeline. Some children express emotions immediately, while others may take weeks or months to show signs of processing the loss. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve—only what feels right for each child.

Your role as a caregiver is to offer reassurance, consistency, love, and help them navigate their challenges.

When to Seek Professional Help

If a child’s grief begins interfering with daily life—such as ongoing behavioral issues, extreme withdrawal, or persistent distress—it may be time to consult a therapist. Professional help can provide children with tools to process their grief in a safe and healthy way.

You’re Not Alone in This

Helping a child through grief can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. Support is available through family, friends, school resources, or therapy.

If you need guidance in helping children through loss, we are here to help. We offer compassionate counseling for families navigating childhood bereavement and can provide the necessary tools and support.

Supporting a Child Through Grief & Loss