Updated on October 31, 2024
Divorce is one of life’s most challenging transitions, often bringing up a wide range of emotions. If you’re going through a divorce, you may feel overwhelmed and unsure what’s expected or how to cope. Though each person’s journey differs, many experience similar emotional stages during and after divorce. Knowing what to expect can help you feel more prepared and remind you that you’re not alone.
Below are some of the typical emotional stages people go through. Remember that these stages aren’t always experienced in order, and moving back and forth between them is common.
1. Shock and Denial
At the beginning of the divorce process, shock and disbelief are common. Divorce can be hard to accept, and you may feel numb, disconnected, or find it difficult to believe it’s happening. This stage is often a defense mechanism—your mind gives you time to process what’s happening without becoming overwhelmed.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Feeling “numb” or disconnected from emotions.
- Avoiding thinking about or discussing the divorce.
- Finding it hard to believe that your marriage is ending.
How to cope: Give yourself time to process. Allow these feelings without judgment, and don’t rush yourself. Talking to trusted friends or family members can help ease the initial shock.
2. Anger and Blame
As the reality of the divorce sets in, anger often surfaces. You may feel intense frustration, resentment, or even blame yourself or your ex-partner. This is normal and can be part of making sense of the loss. Anger can also mask other emotions, like sadness or fear, making it feel overwhelming.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Feeling a need to assign blame to someone—yourself, your ex, or external factors.
- Intense frustration or a desire for justice or closure.
- Becoming irritated easily or feeling resentment.
How to cope: Recognize that anger is a natural response. Try to release it in healthy ways, such as through exercise, journaling, or talking with a therapist. Finding outlets can help you process and manage these intense emotions.
3. Bargaining
During this stage, looking for ways to change the outcome is common. You might think, “What if…?” or “If only…,” imagining different scenarios that might have prevented the divorce. Bargaining is often a way to try to regain control or avoid the pain of loss.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Making promises or plans to “fix” things.
- Wishing you or your ex had acted differently.
- Spending a lot of time thinking about how things could have been different.
How to cope: Recognize that these thoughts are a natural part of grieving. While it’s okay to reflect, try to ground yourself in the present. Focusing on what you can control now can help you feel more empowered.
4. Sadness and Grief
When the reality of the divorce becomes clear, feelings of sadness and loss often surface. You may find yourself grieving not just the relationship but also the future you had envisioned. This stage can bring loneliness and a deep sense of loss as you process what’s changed.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Feeling sad, hopeless, or lonely.
- Mourning the loss of your relationship and shared dreams.
- Feeling withdrawn or experiencing mood swings.
How to cope: Allow yourself to feel these emotions—they’re a part of healing. Finding supportive people to talk to, journaling, or simply letting yourself cry can help you process these deep emotions.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance is a stage where you begin to make peace with the reality of divorce. This doesn’t mean you’re necessarily “over” it or feel happy about it, but you’re starting to integrate it into your life story. Acceptance involves understanding that the divorce is a part of your journey and beginning to focus on what’s ahead.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Feeling more at peace with the situation.
- Beginning to focus on the future instead of the past.
- Experiencing less intense emotional reactions to thoughts of the divorce.
How to cope: Embrace this stage as a step forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean you won’t feel sadness or anger, but it’s a sign that you’re ready to move forward. Setting small goals can help you create a positive vision for the future.
6. Rebuilding
Rebuilding involves creating a new life for yourself. This stage is about self-discovery, setting new goals, and establishing routines. It’s a time for personal growth, where you find fulfillment and purpose on your terms.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Setting personal or professional goals for the future.
- Rediscovering interests or hobbies you may have set aside.
- Building routines that fit your new lifestyle.
How to cope: Take small steps toward your goals and permit yourself to explore new possibilities. This stage can feel empowering, and surrounding yourself with supportive people can encourage you to keep moving forward.
7. Moving Forward
In time, many people reach a place of closure where they feel ready to move on emotionally. Moving forward doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the past, but you’ve made peace with it. This stage often brings a sense of contentment and excitement about the future.
Examples of what you might experience:
- Feeling at peace with the past and hopeful about the future.
- Building a life that feels fulfilling and true to you.
- Prioritizing your well-being and focusing on personal happiness.
How to cope: Celebrate the progress you’ve made. Moving forward is a milestone and a sign of resilience. Embrace the positive changes you’ve made and be patient with yourself.
Reaching Out for Support
Healing from divorce takes time, and each person’s path is unique. You may move through these stages in a different order or even revisit some of them. That’s normal. Seeking support from friends, family, support groups, or a therapist can be beneficial. Talking to someone who understands can help you feel heard and supported as you navigate each stage.
At Firefly Therapy Austin, we’re here to help you through every step of the process. Whether you’re experiencing the early shock of divorce, struggling with anger, or working on rebuilding, our team is here to support you with compassion and expertise.
Don’t hesitate to seek guidance—healing is possible, and you don’t have to face this journey alone. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to reach out for help when you need it.